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  #4341  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:19 AM
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JollyGoodFCAS JollyGoodFCAS is offline
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Originally Posted by Gonzo View Post
i'm going to start bringing my stove in the car with me
I was supposed to do that last year, but put the plan on the back burner.
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Old 09-08-2017, 09:31 AM
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i'm going to start bringing my stove in the car with me
I suppose that means I should bring the front door with me.
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  #4343  
Old 09-08-2017, 09:31 AM
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I suppose that means I should bring the front door with me.
For me just the lock
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  #4344  
Old 09-08-2017, 09:35 AM
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Vorian Atreides Vorian Atreides is online now
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For me just the lock
With 13, I'd just as soon bring the whole door to make it easier to carry them all.
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Why should I worry about dying? Itís not going to happen in my lifetime!


Freedom of speech is not a license to discourtesy

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  #4345  
Old 09-08-2017, 11:04 PM
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Originally Posted by E. Blackadder View Post
An Irish man frees a genie and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes.

The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty."

So poof a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it's filled up again.

"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"

"I want two more of these, then!"

_____

An Irishman is pulled from a bar in blazes, covered in soot and ash. The firemen shake him awake.

"What happened?! How did the fire start?!"

The Irishman shrugs and says, "Beats me. It was already on fire when I got here."

______

Paddy worked at the Guinness factory for many years. One day he died while at work. They went to inform his wife who asked "was it quick, at least? I hope he didn't suffer." His coworker said "no, he drown in the vat, and got out three times to pee before he went under for the last time. "
at second one. 1st one was ok
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  #4346  
Old 09-08-2017, 11:11 PM
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i'm going to start bringing my stove in the car with me
strategy change. i'm going to sneak into my neighbor's house each morning and turn on his stove. because what's the probability that both our houses burn down because we forgot to turn off our stoves?
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  #4347  
Old 09-12-2017, 11:38 AM
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A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."
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Last edited by E. Blackadder; 09-12-2017 at 11:41 AM..
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  #4348  
Old 09-12-2017, 11:41 AM
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Wife: Why, when I start singing, do you always go out on the balcony?

Husband: If I don't, the neighbors assume I'm beating you.
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EB's rules for AO political: 1. A responder who replies "who cares?", cares deeply. 1a. a responder who replies LMAO, or similar, agrees with me. 2. It's always funnier when EB says it. - Lucy (Whomever she was) 3. Don't assume I'm trying to convince you, or indeed, any Hillary or Bernie supporter. 4. If my posts are so blatantly wrong, why are you so insistent in following me? I'll not take you home! 5. I'm not happy until you're not happy. 6. "You sir are no racist. You seem to condescend to everyone equally. I salute you." - Rain in Africa.

"If you're not annoying somebody, you're not really alive." -- Margaret Atwood
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  #4349  
Old 09-13-2017, 08:46 AM
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From my gf's niece:

What do you call a 3.14 foot long snake?

Spoiler:
A pi-thon
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  #4350  
Old 09-18-2017, 04:37 PM
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Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.
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