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  #4351  
Old 09-18-2017, 07:24 PM
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I like playing with myself
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  #4352  
Old 09-18-2017, 10:18 PM
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Poor guy - he shoulda just given her the number to that horse track betting place
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FCAS is the yoda of puns. He sprinkles little treasures when the pun gods smile upon us
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  #4353  
Old 10-19-2017, 05:42 AM
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E. Blackadder E. Blackadder is offline
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One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away. He's a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other.

Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them. After pondering the matter, he takes them to an appraiser.

Not too long later the appraiser calls him: "I've finished my analysis, and I've got some good news. There's no doubt at all that what you have is a genuine Van Gogh and a genuine Stradivarius." The man is ecstatic: "I can sell these for millions!" The appraiser says "Well, you can sell them, and they'll fetch some money for their novelty value. But not millions. You see, the truth is, Stradivarius wasn't much of a painter... and Van Gogh made lousy violins."
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  #4354  
Old 10-19-2017, 10:13 AM
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I like how she's both fat and ugly. That way you know she deserves the cruel treatment.
Why do you assume big = fat?

In this case big could just mean 6'5" with biceps like tree trunks, since she broke his jaw/teeth...
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Dyal, if you die from COVID, you might never realize your dream of becoming an ASA!

actually, on 2nd thought, you've been proven to likely be too dumb to become an ASA anyway.
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that's a dumb example and really has zero to do with my thoughts on children.

met ARTS kids. they are nice kids. no talk of being aborted was mentioned.
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I got called Karen for getting pissed at people...
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  #4355  
Old 10-19-2017, 12:40 PM
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Vorian Atreides Vorian Atreides is offline
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Why do you assume big = fat?

In this case big could just mean 6'5" with biceps like tree trunks, since she broke his jaw/teeth...
I think it's coming from the description of "heifer" than "big" . . .
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  #4356  
Old 10-19-2017, 11:29 PM
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The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.

On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.

An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God,“This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?”

“Of course it is,” said the Lord, smiling. “Who can he tell?”
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  #4357  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:09 AM
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Where do bees go to use the bathroom?

The BP station.
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  #4358  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:42 AM
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Where do bees go to use the bathroom?

The BP station.
Now I know where nincoms use the bathroom, too!
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  #4359  
Old 10-20-2017, 12:12 PM
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Vorian Atreides Vorian Atreides is offline
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Originally Posted by E. Blackadder View Post
The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.

On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.

An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God,“This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?”

“Of course it is,” said the Lord, smiling. “Who can he tell?”
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  #4360  
Old 10-21-2017, 01:13 AM
Klaymen Klaymen is offline
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You know what a woman says when she has been really satisfied?

Spoiler:

I guess not. Otherwise you wouldn’t need to click the spoiler. Sorry bout that.

(That joke might work better face to face while they wait for the punchline or ask what?)
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