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  #4591  
Old 05-08-2019, 04:28 PM
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DyalDragon DyalDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BG5150 View Post
A man walks into a brothel. He walks up to the proprietor and says: "What can I get for $1?"

The proprietor says: "Go up the stairs and into the room on the right."

The man walks into the room and sits on the bed, when he notices a small door at the bottom of one of the walls. The door opens up, and a chicken comes walking out.

The man figures out what he has to do, and has his way with the chicken.

The chicken is disgusted, and leaves.

The man comes back the next day and says to the proprietor: "I didn't really like that, and I'd like a refund."

The proprietor says: "Oh, good sir, trust me. Go up the stairs, but this time go into the room on the left, and you won't want your dollar back."

So the man goes into the room, and this room is much larger than the other, with theatre-type seating, and a big curtain on one side.

A few people are scattered throughout the seats, and the man sits down. The curtain opens up, and it's actually a plexi-glass window into another room, and the people in the seats are watching an orgy.

The man leans over to a guy sitting next to him and says: "Man, this is something, huh?"

The other guy says: "You should have been here yesterday. Some guy was banging a chicken."
Have heard this one somewhere recently
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Spoiler:
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybubu
Dyal, if you die from COVID, you might never realize your dream of becoming an ASA!

actually, on 2nd thought, you've been proven to likely be too dumb to become an ASA anyway.
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Originally Posted by ao fan View Post
that's a dumb example and really has zero to do with my thoughts on children.

met ARTS kids. they are nice kids. no talk of being aborted was mentioned.
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Originally Posted by ao fan View Post
I got called Karen for getting pissed at people...
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  #4592  
Old 05-08-2019, 04:30 PM
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Chief Petosky Chief Petosky is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Actuary321 View Post
My wife texted me, "Your Great."

I responded, "No, You're Great."

She has been smiling all day. Should I tell her I was correcting her grammar or should I just let that go?
My standard response is, "My what is great?"
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You move me, you move me, With your buildings and your eyes; autumn woods and winter skies
You move me, you move me. Open sea and city lights, busy streets and dizzy heights
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  #4593  
Old 05-08-2019, 04:52 PM
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JollyGoodFCAS JollyGoodFCAS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Actuary321 View Post
My wife texted me, "Your Great."

I responded, "No, You're Great."

She has been smiling all day. Should I tell her I was correcting her grammar or should I just let that go?
Reminds me of this thread: http://www.actuarialoutpost.com/actu...breaker&page=7
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FCAS is the yoda of puns. He sprinkles little treasures when the pun gods smile upon us
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  #4594  
Old 05-09-2019, 05:30 PM
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1695814 1695814 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rekrap View Post
Why shouldn't you tell a joke about the number 288?

Spoiler:
Because it's two gross
I think supermarkets are really gross,
but the people that work there are grocer.
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  #4595  
Old 05-09-2019, 05:38 PM
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George Frankly George Frankly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chief Petosky View Post
My standard response is, "My what is great?"
The whole thing!
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Butt-chugging seems like the best solution.
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  #4596  
Old 05-09-2019, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Actuary321 View Post
My wife texted me, "Your Great."

I responded, "No, You're Great."

She has been smiling all day. Should I tell her I was correcting her grammar or should I just let that go?
really? your wife texted me the same thing!
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  #4597  
Old 05-10-2019, 12:29 AM
Klaymen Klaymen is offline
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There are two types of people:
Those that can extrapolate incomplete data,
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Last edited by Klaymen; 05-10-2019 at 12:41 AM..
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  #4598  
Old 06-21-2019, 01:26 AM
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Jasper07734 Jasper07734 is offline
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Windmill 1: What's your favorite kind of music?
Windmill 2: I'm a big metal fan.
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The revAOlution will be complete when the language is perfect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jasper07734 View Post
I was thinking [that the AO is] more like Pocket Pool: You think you're driving your point home hard, until you realize that you're really only busting your own balls
Quote:
Originally Posted by William F. Buckley, Jr.
Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views.
Spoiler:

s9; BS2; EC (not that EC); j6; A; W; TDA; CG; BB; TR; TG; A;
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  #4599  
Old 06-24-2019, 01:10 PM
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Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job,and walk on to the next one. Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the"Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
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FCAS is the yoda of puns. He sprinkles little treasures when the pun gods smile upon us
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  #4600  
Old 06-24-2019, 01:13 PM
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Vorian Atreides Vorian Atreides is offline
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Shouldn't that be the "No Bell Piece Prize"?
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